Emotions...

I've never felt more familiar with the way tears well up and fall out. Of my eyes and theirs. Every day I cry. Every day someone says it will get better. But they don't know. No one has had it quite like me. Maybe they've had similar or worse, but no one like this. Am I just hormonal and therefore extremely emotionally unstable, or is this legitimately super duper hard? I don't know.

I waste my time trying to escape, and don't succeed to do that or to make my problems better. Awesome. I might fail as a teacher. Right now it feels like I am. Every thing about myself I've ever felt insecure about is coming out and rearing its ugly head and pushing me into a totally unhealthy cycle of crying, wasting time, doing a half-butt job of everything, talking myself down, wasting time, crying. I'm going home.

Sing Me To Heaven

sing me a lullaby, a love song, a requiem, sing me to heaven

unceasing love, oh unceasing love, surpassing all we know...

Shoes.

Listen, kids.

My feet are wide. Like hobbit wide. Like almost wider than they are long (okay, not really.)

And I have yucky bunions.

Its like my boyfriend says... "All feet are gross." (And then I tell him he should be a podiatrist. Haha.)

But really. I'm gonna be a teacher. In a month. And be on my feet all day. And have to look professional. But one of the things I'm worried most about are m'darn feet! Where am I gonna find some cute, professional shoes that aren't gonna make my feet kill like Casey Anthony AND not look like this:

?!?!?!!!

Suggestions welcome.

Please and thank you.

You know when everybody else says to not do something, and you know they're right, but you do it anyway, because you have to, because its right for you? And then the consequences come, and everything everybody warned you would happen, happens.

I still think its right. But the consequences are... not my fav. And make it kind of hard to deal with. Its hard to just compartmentalize and remember that the not so fun things are just consequences, and I don't need to spend a lot of time worrying about/trying to fix them, because they will go away after I'm finished doing the thing everybody said I shouldn't. Its so hard, because the consequences feel like real issues. And maybe they are. But maybe, hopefully, probably, they are just side effects, and they'll go away soon.

Does that make any sense at all? I thought not. Yay for being cryptic. But honestly, looking at it and making it cryptic is kind of therapeutic. Sweet.

Thought of You

All I post lately is videos. Oh well.

I LOVE this.

Last Goodbye

This is our last goodbye

except for the next time I see you

and then we'll be moving on,

we'll have each other

we'll have infinity.

We're gonna make it

through the summer

and beyond.

We're gonna start moving on

with our lives

together.

We already said "I love you."

First me

but sort of you first

and then again and again.

Its a transition for me

to go from wondering

to knowing. Its that concrete thing

those few little words

I needed to anchor my thoughts

and keep them from doubting.

Now my thoughts are on a new vein

thinking of you

thinking of us

thinking about you thinking of us

and luckily, blessedly, happily

talking to you

talking of us

talking with you about us.

Me= Sap