Sappiness...

I didn't know it could feel this good.

I thought it could, hoped it could, but I had no idea what I was even looking for.

I saw the motions, and thought that maybe that was what made you feel it, but I'm realizing now, that when its real, the motions are just the manifestations of the feelings.

I finally feel like we are symbiotic- our happiness depends on each other. Our empathy, our understanding, our compassion is more in sync because we share everything possible, from stories, to feelings, to ideas, to time, time, time, and maybe some more stories, and more.

I feel like I understand him really well, and I love every part. Literally. I love even the faults, because that make him himself.

Love and Hope

Okay, so there's this blog... And I love it.  Stephanie Nielsen has survived so much, and is so full of hope, no matter the trials she faces.  She has so much faith.  One of my favorite things about the whole blog is how in love she is with her husband. They love each other, and they do all this romantic stuff together, and they smile and hold hands through it all.

I wanna be like them.  Matt and I have been joking about how we should be more romantic, like them.  Like making out on a ski lift under the full moon romantic. (Does that not sound amazing?)

I recently discovered that her kids go to the school I teach at.  I've seen them a couple times in the hall.  They are adorable.

Today I was grumpy.  I didn't get enough sleep.  My kids were kinda crazy.  I got observed and got... a reality check about how far there is to go in my teaching.

After I took a nap in my car, I headed out to get a much needed DDP.  And sitting there behind me at the light, were the Nielsens, sitting there on their motorcycle.  He was smiling, she was hugging him tight, their sunglasses on just looking completely at ease, and in love, and really really happy.

I thought I hated motorcycles.  And they weren't even wearing helmets!  But I looked at them, and saw their love, and I saw their joy, and somehow, I felt more hopeful about my life.  

If they can find joy in simple things, so can I.  If they can be in love, so can I.  If they can make it through hard things, so can I.

Ah... Hope. :)

Move

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

Emotions...

I've never felt more familiar with the way tears well up and fall out. Of my eyes and theirs. Every day I cry. Every day someone says it will get better. But they don't know. No one has had it quite like me. Maybe they've had similar or worse, but no one like this. Am I just hormonal and therefore extremely emotionally unstable, or is this legitimately super duper hard? I don't know.

I waste my time trying to escape, and don't succeed to do that or to make my problems better. Awesome. I might fail as a teacher. Right now it feels like I am. Every thing about myself I've ever felt insecure about is coming out and rearing its ugly head and pushing me into a totally unhealthy cycle of crying, wasting time, doing a half-butt job of everything, talking myself down, wasting time, crying. I'm going home.

Sing Me To Heaven

sing me a lullaby, a love song, a requiem, sing me to heaven

unceasing love, oh unceasing love, surpassing all we know...